Society and the love-hate for single mothers
I am single man, young, unmarried and childless. That is me. And my #WCW is a beautiful, amazing and adorable woman of my age who has a little girl who calls her mama. I am no daddy material but I am prepared to try because I love the woman who is the mother to this child. The biological father to this child is an immature spoilt brat, who has 2 other kids with 2 other women. I have not told her how I feel about her though, reason being my sounding board has made it inherently difficult to go forward and live a “happily until we see what happens next” with the woman of my day dreams. My sounding board happens to be my closest friend whom I abide in dearly but perpetually have a difference of opinion with. He says I am culturally queer and I say he is culturally blinkered. I digress. But the point here is, I told him of my plan to make my intentions to the mother of one clear before my fear of women hindered me and the response I got did not help in any way. “She is a mother”, he said to me. I saw no problem with that, until he insisted that women with children were not meant for single men like myself. I thought he was being silly and I presented my case to the second in command when it comes to helping me make big decisions. And her response gutted me deeper. Her sentiments were in similitude to that of my best friend. It was a horrible fantasy to want a future with a single mother and I had to be cleansed of my bad thoughts. “Just be friends if you like her that much” she said.
As I started eavesdropping on hair saloon conversations and creating fact finding conversations on dating single mothers, I discovered the bulk of opinion mongers in society do not approve of single men dating women who have children. I started reminiscing of my childhood days. You see I am a son to a single mother who gave birth to me when she was 20 years old. She is beautiful, and I reckon many guys took a second look all through her twenties. I am 23 now, and she has not married yet. So I wonder if for the past 23 years men having been looking past her because of me? If that is the case, what did I do to her that makes her undesirable? Was my birth the sin that caused my mother to be deprived of the blessing of a better half? I am young and still have a lot of living and learning to do but my inchoate mind tells me it is unjust to dictate that willing and able men should fulfill the Cinderella fantasies of single women with children. Who will see to the needs of these women? Considering all the willing men are instructed to find “pure” women (Some of whom decided to abort and not make themselves disdain of young men seeking wives). I remember telling my dear friend that these single women go on to have other children with other men out of wedlock because they have needs too, and the available men wish to address their immediate needs of intimacy but are not willing to address their long term needs of building a future and actually putting a ring on it.
I believe single mothers deserve a chance in love and life as long as there are men who are willing to take the responsibility of fathering their children are available. I frankly do not understand why society dissuades willing men from loving these women. The irony in all of it being that even other women do not approve of it as well. African culture emphasises on the upkeep of extended family so I reckon it cannot be a cultural hurdle. Just as men who invite children fathered out of their marriage to be part of their big and “happy” family, let us allow the willing men to take up the responsibility of loving the women who have bundles of joy with them. I am a willing man! But in the end my love for a single mom #WCW turns to infatuation because society has me thinking she is unworthy.
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